The Closed Door Policy 1.1

I have a story I want to write....a story that many will be able to relate to. It's about being a mom...or a dad of child that has unique learning challenges and requires special education while at school. Our Public Schools today have lots of students with Special Needs ~ with the increase in students with Autism and many other learning and developmental disabilities and students with Down syndrome attending our local neighborhood schools, our Public School System is not like it was just 20 years ago. 


Today if you are a parent with a son or daughter with a disability you pretty much need to go to as many parent trainings, disability support groups, disability specific conferences and national conventions just to learn how to navigate special ed services and the IEP process and basically how to help ensure your son or daughter receives a quality education via the Public School System, and that's no matter where you live!


I became an Advocate first for my own daughter and son and eventually started helping other parents learn how to be a good Advocate for their children. It has been a learning experience to say the least!


One of the things that is starting to really bug me is all this talk about Parent Involvement, especially here in Broward County. Parent Engagement is the new saying, as I have recently been hearing, I like that better. I am an involved parent in both of my children's education! I was an involved parent before I officially became a 'parent' even! My future husband, while I was dating him...I was involved in his 7 year old son's education. I eventually had him tested for possibly being gifted. I attended several of his school events before I officially was his stepmom. Education is important to me and helping children do well in school is very important to me as well!


Today, I am a proud parent to a beautiful & talented 13 year old daughter with Down syndrome and a keenly creative 16 year old son with ADHD. Both require me to always be on top of things when it comes to both of their school grades, assignments, homework and all things! To say the least, I am an involved parent ~ I have to be!


I really became a Special Ed Advocate when my daughter was born 13 years ago. As a parent to a little one with Down syndrome I learned very quickly that I needed to fight for each and every therapy service she needed. She received a great many therapies and services back then, I was a TIGER MOMMA back then as I still am today. I knew I needed to make sure my daughter had her OT, PT and Speech Therapies if I wanted her to be all she could be in the years to come! So I learned quick that it was going to take a lot of my time and dedication to my daughter to help her be her best. I was always making all sorts of phone calls to secure therapy & doctor appointments. I had to drive her to all her many different appointments daily or some came to our home when she was real little. Of course I'm devoted to her well being today as much as I was when I started on my wonderful trip to Holland. It has become my full time 'career'...to help her and others. It is my passion, to help teach parents to become confident advocates for their children. I love what I do!


My son is in the 10th grade and taking High school all in stride, his grades are still consistently inconsistent, but over all he is an amazing talented and creative soul. My daughter will be going into Middle school next year! I am so not ready for a whole new group of teachers, staff, principals and administrators that don't know my daughter at all and will give me a hard time for what I know to be the best educational classrooms settings for my girl! She has only been educated in the regular general education classrooms. This year for the first time she is now receiving an hour of Special Ed services in an ESE classrom. This is for some extra reading help using the Special Ed Wilson program, with an awesome ESE Teacher! This is the only ESE special ed class she has ever attended other than her daily 1/2 hour Speech and Language school based sessions. She is doing well included in General Education aka regular classes....as long as we have teachers & staff that fully support her.....and me too..... things can get sticky & tricky sometimes, especially if the lines of communication are not fluid. There has to be a line of open honest communication with at least ONE staff person, one that can be the 'go to person'...hopefully it's your child's teacher. My daughter has a Gifted endorsed Science teacher as her homeroom & science teacher this year and he was also her teacher last year as well. He is the role-model gen.ed teacher for others to follow in the way that he communicates with all his families on a daily basis. He sends me an email update on what my daughter did in school that day and what pages classroom lessons were on. He is teacher of the year at my daughter's school ~ with good reason! His door is always open for honest parent involvement/engagement and academic collaboration with his student's parents...and special ed parent absolutely benefit from that the most! I started a blog in his honor, because I have been so impressed with his over-the-top way of how he has provided my daughter a full inclusive classroom experience both last year and this school year. 
Please take a peek at my other blog in honor of Mr. Jeffery Allagood Mariah's 5th grade teacher: 
Down syndrome Inclusive Education www.downsyndromeinclusiveeducation.blogspot.com 


Today I want to talk about my friends. My other Special Ed / ESE Parents that are also involved and care very much about their child's education. My friends are involved and caring parents. They may ask more questions because they have a real concern about things happening at school, yet for the most part they seem to get the run around. These same parents ask to volunteer for things and are told those positions are filled. They ask to observe their child's classroom and it takes forever to set up a simple classroom observation or are asked to come into the Principals office for a little talkie-talk. Instead many ESE parents are ambushed with staff members & the principal and then told their child will have be taken out of their teachers classroom and have to go into a different classroom, starting the next day!! This particular parent just wanted to have an opportunity to observe what was going on during her son's math lessons where some behaviors were noted in written notes home to the parent. This mom just asked for a classroom observation, but instead was told her son needed to be pulled out from that classroom and wouldn't even be in that classroom again! ....Really?


Over the years many of us ESE parents have been called to come pick up our child. "Your child has a runny nose" or the best one, the most common one is, "your child has diarrhea". Like good parents, we run to the school to pick up our 'sick child'....only to find out they don't have diarrhea at all!! It seems maybe our child went to the bathroom (poo-poo) three times that day. There must be an unwritten POOP POLICY out there in our school districts that says; if a child poops 3 times while in school, they need to be sent home! Especially if that child has Down syndrome and still needs adult supervision or assistance in toileting for hygiene and wiping themselves! *This is happening way too much in our schools that maybe our top district administrators and school board members or even the superintendent is not aware of. 


I'm asking....
IS there a POOP POLICY Broward Public Schools has in place? That if a child poops 3 times, the child needs to be sent home?? ESE parents are called and told their child has diarrhea and it's all down their leg, you have to come pick up your child! Only to get there and the pants are not 'soiled'.....all down their leg!! I am not making this up! 


The runny nose one is also a very common one too. The other day a close friend of mine, was called and her daughter was not sick, just her daughter did need to have her nose wiped and blown. Mom had used Saline Solution to clear out her daughters nasal passages, and her nose was draining because of the Saline Solution. (...this is a common thing parents of children with DS do daily at times.) Mom said she was not sick, she just needed her blow her nose and have it wiped and sent back to the classroom. Her daughter did not have a fever and was not sick in anyway. This little girl never had her nose wiped at school that day and was sent home with dried caked on crusted mucus all over her cute little face! The bus aide/helper was amazed at how badly her face looked with all that dried gunk all over her. The school retaliated by not wiping her nose at all while she was in school. The little girl was not sick, she just needed her nose blown & wiped and directed to wash her hands and face or directed to blow her nose even. This is a little girl with Down syndrome and blowing her nose is something that all of us mom's do everyday... several times a day. Children with Down syndrome have low muscle tone and blowing their nose is a learned 'skill' that they need help with and they need to be taught. Our kiddo's need to be told each step of the way to 'blow hard', go wash your hands. With two aids and a certified teacher in this little girls classroom, not 1 of 3 adults would or could wipe her nose? ....Really? Needless to say this ESE mom was not happy how the school retaliated and did not provide just a simple support of wiping her little girls nose that day and instead, neglected her basic needs. ESE parents would never get away with sending our children TO school with a filthy nose or face, we would be reported, but the school gets away with this treatment of our littlest angels?


ESE Parents are wanting to volunteer at the schools to do anything and are being told there is nothing to do, they don't need help. ....Really?  ESE Parents are wanting to get involved in SAF (School Advisory Forum) and are told that "that" position has already been filled, "you can attend and participate in the PTA or the PTO." ....Really?  ESE Parents request permission to go on class field-trips or as chaperones and are told either we already have our parent volunteers or "no parents are allowed, only staff will be chaperones on the class field-trip."...Really?  Some ESE parents want to be the Room Parent, again, "oh sorry...another parent has already gotten that position." ....Really? In my over 11 years at the same elementary school for both of my children, I have never been a room parent. Who are the room parents even? Do schools have room parents anymore?


ESE Parents are met with a CLOSED DOOR and are not talked to like the 'typical parents' that doesn't have a  child with a disability. Parents of ESE children know this for a fact. Staff and teachers either are instructed to not talk to us, or if they do, to refer us to an ESE Staff person or "you'll have to speak to Mr. Principal about that." ....Really? Teachers and staff can't have a conversation with ESE parents anymore?If ESE parents want to know how their child is doing in the classroom and that child has a 1:1 aide, or there is a classroom assistant in their child's class, those aides seem to not 'see us' and certainly will not talk to us. For the most part, it seems our aides & the teachers pretend they are just so busy in their jobs that they can't even look our way when we are on the campus. ....Really?  


Over the years I have had wonderful aides for my daughter, that respected and gave me their time. Not all ESE Students are even allowed to have 1:1 aides today, being told there is no funding. That is a whole conversation in itself! More of our children are being put into classrooms with several other students that would benefit by having a 1:1 aide but our schools instead will put several students into one classroom and share the aide between several students. That's alot to ask of one teacher and alot on 1 aide, now they are called a teachers assistant. The amount of the MATRIX funds generated from just a few students could actually pay for a few teacher assistants to fully support our children in their classrooms! Your child's Matrix numbers and Matrix funding and how it is actually spent is another topic of future discussion!


ESE Parents ARE INVOLVED Parents! They have to be, their child depends on them to be! Taking their child to endless hours of weekly therapies for years and years makes for a concerned involved parent. 


What is going on at our children's schools that more and more ESE Parents are being met with this unspoken rule that they are not to be talked to with a natural honesty and respect? Why are Principals now becoming more the Headmaster that has the final say so on all things to do with our ESE Parents concerns and issues relating to their child in their classrooms?


Where did this unspoken CLOSED DOOR POLICY SOCIETY come from? Why is it happening more and more that our ESE Parents HAVE NO VOICE and ARE NOT BEING HEARD? Is it a bigger problem here in Broward school District? Is is happening throughout our entire State and Nation? ESE Parents are being shut out and held back from being part of the school society. ESE parents are not being allowed to be that involved parent at all grade levels. I was sent an email the other day from a Middle school administrator that I am actually considering for my daughter to attend. This administrator wrote to me and said, "Middle school isn't like Elementary school, things are alot different in Middle school." ....her point is? Parents ~ ALL parents need and should be encouraged to become MORE involved at the Middle school level than ever before! I know I plan on it!


Being a Special Ed Advocate I have clocked my kazillion unclockable hours listening on the phone over the years, all the absolute pure nonsense way too many ESE Parents are being put through today and throughout the entire school year! ESE Parents are good parents, they want to be involved in their child's education and show their child and their school support by being a classroom mom or by volunteering on the yearbook committee or by being a chaperone on the field-trips. 


ESE Parents are being discriminated against on many levels sometimes starting with them just wanting to know how things are or what is going on or not going on or happening at the school pertaining to their child. ESE Parents are a valuable group of good parents that care, that really care not only for their own child, but for their child's classmates. These parents are devoted!


ESE Parents are met with a CLOSED DOOR in their faces more times than not and it needs to stop! ESE Parents are not the enemy, they are and can be a great resource to many, they can be a great help to their child's teachers! If principals and staff would just stop all this nonsense of shutting the ESE Parents out and start working with them from the start! Getting off on a good foot at the beginning of a new school year is important to all parents, especially to those ESE Parents! 


The CLOSED DOOR POLICY that is practiced throughout the land today and I am talking in particular in Broward County Public Schools. I know this is happening everywhere. This attitude needs to stop and be replaced with something different! Positive parent participation with real communication and a positive partnership of collaboration ~ the child is the focus and the reason, we need not forget this!


ESE Parents can help train teachers and staff. Many times the lowest paid staff person, the 1:1 aide that usually works closest with our unique children, the para professional aide or the classroom aide or teachers aides as they are now called, these employees would benefit by having a closer positive working relationship with the ESE Parents. Parents know their child the best, what a great resource! It seems they are not allowed to talk, communicate or write to the child's parents, if they do..it's the most minimal. Most good parents would never leave their children in the care of babysitters or respite workers that they aren't able to talk with...would they? Why are ESE Parents at schools treated like staff are not suppose to talk to them? This is all too common and it's a shame!  


The door is closed at just about every turn we go as ESE Parents wanting to be involved with our child's education. The CLOSED DOOR POLICY needs to stop! 


If you are an ESE Parent, please take a moment and comment on this post. Let's hear your personal story. Tell me if your school has open arms for your parent involvement. I know some schools are absolutely doing a fantastic job of making sure all parents are treated with fairness and I know there are many schools out there that are not allowing ESE Parents the same opportunities to volunteer on campus and especially in their own child's classroom as a room parent or the room mom. If you are an ESE Parent and are the room mom...write to me! Tell me the positive, let's hear from you in the comment section below this posting. If you have experienced the CLOSED DOOR POLICY and you can relate to much of what I am posting...let's hear from you too. Post a comment, society needs to know how it really is out there trying to be an Involved ESE Parent at your child's school.


Our schools are like a little society, if the attitude is warm and welcoming for all and yes that includes allowing ESE Parents some wiggle room to volunteer and ask questions, then it creates a positive happy society. If some parents are being treated unfairly, and not allowed to be involved, it creates anger, dissatisfaction and an unhappy society! Schools need to do a better job of being accepting of ALL parent volunteers, especially by allowing ESE Parents the opportunity to Volunteer period!


The CLOSED DOOR POLICY that seems to be a secret society that only fellow ESE Parents know to be true. Time for a change of attitude across the board! Let your local School Board Members know that, Yes this IS happening to you and you want to see it change too! Do your part and help make positive changes within your school, within your school district and State. Be a change-maker and be proud to stand up for what you believe and you know needs to change!


Parents are the child's first teachers, they know every little thing about their child. Parents will always be the best advocates for their child!